Trying to be happy is holding you back. In fact, it’s making you miserable
Hey, thanks for stopping by.
Are you trying to be happy all the time, but find you struggle to be?
If so, I’m here to tell you why you struggle.
And how trying to be happy all the time is making you more miserable.
Mind blown much?
I ask you to stay with me here and read why.
Because it will change how you look at your life and business.
Are you in?
Since you’re sticking around, here’s my first revelation for you…
It’s not realistic to be happy all the time.
But are you thinking…
If you don’t feel happy, then there’s something wrong with you?
You’re not alone because most of us feel this way.
And it’s because we’re told from a young age that we should be happy.
If you live your life in a particular way, then you’ll be happy.
But here’s why that’s not the case.
Have you had a goal or a dream?
And then you did everything to create it.
Then you achieved the goal, and it felt great, huh?
But let me ask you this,
Did the “great” feeling go away?
Either soon after or eventually?
I’m sure it did.
And I want to tell you why.
Trying to be happy is holding you back because feelings drive every action us humans take
That’s right, all humans. Not just me and you.
Now, why did you have your dream or goal?
And I want you to think about why you truly decided on this goal.
Or why have you had all your goals and dreams throughout your life?
I’ll be bold and answer this for you..
Probably because of the feeling you thought you’d get.
That will make you happy.
Sure, you’re going to love your life when you’ve got that.
And of course, you were happy you got the job.
But then you weren’t?
You’re loving life in your spacious house, but not so much anymore.
And it’s because you wanted those things because of the feeling you knew you’d have.
But the feeling didn’t last, huh?
Trying to be happy is holding you back because your feelings come first
Here’s how your human brain works.
You have a thought. Actually, you have around 60,000 thoughts per day…
It’s true. Your brain’s a pretty busy place.
And it’s a wonder your head can hold your brain up with all that activity going on.
Now, after your brain has a thought, it then generates a feeling or an emotion.
I’ll get into the technicalities in a moment, but here’s why your human brain evolved this way.
Because your feelings are there for human survival.
Hungry, so you eat.
Scared, so you run away from it.
Cold, so you seek warmth.
Now, you experience two types of feelings.
This feeling starts in your body and travels to your brain.
For example, your stomach feels empty and creates a sensation. And this sensation travels to your brain to tell it to eat.
Or, you burn your finger when frying an egg.
The pain from your finger travels to your brain to tell it you hurt it. So, you have a thought to run it under cold water.
These types of feelings are sensations.
Emotions start in your head and travel to your body.
Think about this, you watch a sad movie, and you think, “Oh, this is sad.”
Which means the thought (oh, this is sad) travels from your brain to your body.
Most likely to your eyes or stomach.
This emotion created a vibration in your body, a feeling you can physically feel.
Which means you’re feeling sad, and it’s creating a vibration you can feel somewhere in your body.
And here’s a short version of the science behind it.
Each of your thoughts creates a chemical reaction in your brain.
And your brain releases chemical signals to your body.
So when you feel happy, it’s because your brain created chemicals from a thought.
Science calls these chemicals neurotransmitters, and they’re what create your feelings.
You may know some like dopamine, adrenaline and serotonin, to name a few.
And if you experience many feelings throughout one single day, then you’re a human.
Because with 60,000 thoughts daily, that’s a whole lot of generated feelings.
Here’s why you should stop chasing happiness all the time
Back to what I first said to you, feelings come first.
And your feelings drive all the actions you take.
Remember, you feel hungry, so you eat, when your sad you cry, and when you feel scared, you seek comfort.
What comes first? The feeling.
Having a goal because you want the feeling you think it’ll give you is a mistake.
Because you create your feelings on the inside, they don’t come externally.
I’ll say that again. Your feelings don’t come from external factors.
But you don’t know this, so you keep on perusing things to find the good vibration you want.
And hey, I’m no superhuman. Unfortunately
I was chasing goals trying to seek happiness.
And I’ve done it my whole life.
When you get the promotion, you’ll be happy.
When you graduate with the degree, you’ll feel proud.
And of course, you will, but it doesn’t last.
Because at some point, you’ll have a thought which then creates a different emotion.
And so on, and so on and so on.
It’s not realistic to feel happy all the time.
We get told we should be happy all the time, but it’s not realistic.
Remember, you have neurotransmitters which create different feelings in your body.
They create positive and negative emotions.
So chasing 100% happiness isn’t realty.
You’re a human who creates good and bad feelings.
There’s revelation number 2 for you…
Stop trying to hide from the negative so you can only feel positive feelings.
Because (I’ll repeat it) it’s not realistic.
And you’ll create more misery for yourself trying to fight the bad ones.
Let’s look at it this way.
You feel a negative feeling, let’s say embarrassed.
So you try to hide away from it to seek a positive one…
It will come back.
Because it doesn’t go away.
Listen, before I lose you, I want to ask you think about this…
What if you didn’t have both positive and negative thoughts?
But only positive ones?
Would you know what a positive thought was?
Probably not because you need the opposite to know.
You need unhappiness to know what happiness is.
And you need anger to understand calm.
So to put a stop to your misery and embrace your feelings.
All of them.
Stay with me here.
As it won’t feel good. (Of course)
But it’s normal.
And if you can process, feel and embrace the negative emotion rather than fight it, it will go away faster.
And here’s why.
By fighting off a negative feeling and chasing external happiness, it gets bigger.
Here’s an example.
Let’s look at something you may often do so you can see how it works.
If you’re a business owner, then you need to post on social media, right?
You know a social presence is necessary for your business.
So you post something and get back some negative comments.
These negative comments create thoughts in your brain. Which then? Create feelings.
You’ve got this.
Your feelings from negative comments could be shame, humiliation or embarrassment.
So what do you do?
I’ll go out on a limb here and say you probably seek something that feels better.
Something your brain tells you will create happiness or comfort.
So you sit on the couch and watch your favourite tv show while eating your favourite snack.
And you feel great.
In that moment, and maybe for a while afterwards as well.
But your original feeling from the negative comments comes back.
Because it never went away remember.
So what to do?
What if you sat with your original feeling from the negative comments and felt it?
Rather than fight it?
Well, more than likely, you’ll process it, and it will ease.
Instead of it coming back, and when it does, it’s worse than before.
Why will it come back worse than before?
Because resisting negative emotions starts a chain reaction.
You’ll start to have negative emotions about your negative emotions.
So in fact, you’re making it worse.
Here’s how it works
You felt embarrassed by negative comments.
So you ignored the yucky emotion instead.
So now you’re worried about the embarrassment and judging it.
Instead of sitting with the feeling in your body, which allows it to be there.
See how wasting time trying to be happy is holding you back?
I want to leave you with this
“Present fears are less than horrible imaginings” Macbeth.
In this play by William Shakespeare, Macbeth thinks about murdering.
And these thoughts terrify him.
They terrify him more than the real danger he’s facing at the time.
But instead of processing the feelings that came from him thinking about murdering, he perpetuated the fear.
Rather than feeling it and allowing it to move away.
Shows your how powerful thoughts can be, huh?
All in all, you’re human.
Meaning you have 50/50.
Negative and positive emotions that your mind creates.
So why fight them? And chase something that’s not realistic.
Be in the truth of your own life.
Because trying to be happy is holding you back.
Allow the sad part to be there because it will go away. And faster than fighting it.
Don’t chase unrealistic happiness because you’re only making yourself more miserable.
If you’re keen to know more, find me here.
I can help you process and feel your negative emotions to create what you want in your life and business.