Here’s how to get rid of the most dangerous word in the English language now
Hey my friend, thanks for stopping by.
Because today I’m going to tell you about the most dangerous word in the English language.
So stay with me here because I’m asking you a bunch of questions and then you’ll get it.
Firstly, if you’re reading this, then you’re probably a business owner.
Hell yeah, that’s what I’m talking about.
Well then, here’s my first question,
Do you struggle with growing your business?
If the answer is yes, then do you believe you “should” be making more money?
You “should” have more clients.
Or, you “should” be more visible on social media?
Perhaps, more people “should” know you?
If you relate to these questions, you’ve guessed the most dangerous word in the English language.
And it’s should.
This life of “should” was me constantly. Always.
And well, it still is. But I’ll get back to the still later.
Firstly, let me tell you a story.
I grew up with an older brother who had superiority over me in the minds of my parents because he’s a boy and a super genius.
Now, I’m not saying this because he’s my brother, but he is a super genius.
Things like an idyllic memory, university maths at 12 years old and pulling apart the inside of our tv.
I mean, why not, right? It’s what 5-year old’s do yeah?
Anyhoo, my story I told myself since I was a child is that “I should be better”.
I should be smarter, I should make more money, I should learn this faster, and I should know how to do this better.
Well, it was because I was comparing myself without knowing it.
And the bad news is comparing to other’s leads you to tell yourself a story.
A story which usually goes,
Hey you, you’re not doing what that people are doing. You’re failing.
Or you’re doing it wrong.
If so, let me tell you, my friend, these become dangerous thoughts.
Now… do I judge myself for thinking these thoughts?
And do I blame my brother for me thinking these thoughts?
It was my brain, and I’m responsible for my thoughts.
Plus I was a child who didn’t know my thoughts become beliefs which quickly turn into truths.
But the magic in this is as an adult I discovered my thoughts of “should” and decided to do something about it.
And let me tell you it’s not easy work to uncover these subconscious thoughts.
But once you do, your life changes forever.
And this my friend is part of what’s known as mindset and why your mindset matters.
But back to how I still think these thoughts because unfortunately, I do.
And you will as well because you’ve thought them for so long.
So what’s the good news then?
They’re conscious now, so when the “I should be…” thoughts appear you don’t have to acknowledge them.
Or you listen and then you don’t have to believe them.
Wanna know a secret?
You get to choose what you think about your thoughts.
Because here’s the thing, you should be nothing else but you.
Ding, ding, ding. Jackpot.
If you’re a, I should be X, Y, Z kind of person then stop.
Because the only should you are is you.
You shouldn’t be smarter, faster, stronger, better, happier, richer.
And why not?
Because you’re fighting with yourself inside.
You’re trying to be something you’re not.
And guess what?
These should thoughts are making you miserable without you knowing.
Now, before I lose you, I’m going to say something outrageous.
Are you ready?
I know you don’t believe me, and that’s ok.
Because this work on yourself takes time.
And I know there’s something about you that you don’t like.
Because you’re a human, and all humans play the should game.
Rather than accepting who we are and being content with it.
Here’s why should is the most dangerous word in the English language
Because it gets you doing things for the wrong reasons.
Here’s what I mean.
“I should be stronger”.
So you go to the gym, bust your butt and suffer through pain because you should be stronger.
Say you do become more muscular, then what?
Have I got you thinking?
I know I have. So here it goes.
When you’re stronger, you’re not going to be better.
You’re still going to be you.
I want to tell you about a concept called the arrival fallacy.
It’s this magical place all humans think we will be when we do, get or have a thing.
Think you should make more money?
Because when you do, you’ll be happier or your life will be better?
Let me tell you that your life may be better in some places, but it may be worse in others.
And you’ll still be you.
Perhaps with different feelings but also with the same feelings, you have now.
Let’s take getting stronger (like above) as an example.
You’ve done the hard work.
The pain, suffering and sore muscles to get stronger.
(And let me remind you and for the wrong reasons)
And now you’re strong, but you don’t feel different.
Remember, there is no arriving.
You’re trying to get stronger because you think you should be.
So you’re busting your butt playing “I should be stronger” game for the wrong reasons.
Now, I’m glad you made it this far.
But if this is where I’m losing you then again, please stay with me.
Remember, you shouldn’t be stronger because you’re you.
However, I want to present you with this…
What if you wanted to be stronger for fun?
For the challenge? For a goal?
Not because when you’re stronger you’ll be better.
Because I’ll tell you again.
You won’t be better, but you’ll be stronger.
And dam, you’ll be stronger, not physically but everywhere.
Because you’ve put in the sweat, pain and torture….
Please wait for it… because you wanted to.
Not because you’ll be happier, better or perfect when you’re stronger.
It’s because you decided to.
And you gave yourself the challenge intentionally.
But imagine future you and you’re now stronger.
How do you feel in your body?
Robust, powerful and accomplished?
What about courageous, confident and brave?
You’ll feel some dam incredible feelings because you decided on purpose you want to be stronger.
Not because you think you should be stronger or better.
Writing this is giving me goosebumps.
Now, I know it’s a hard concept to comprehend but trust me; it changes everything.
And I guarantee it.
Because it changed my everything.
You’ll become a different person when you realise there’s nothing else you should be.
Because when you choose to do something for the right reasons (and like those reasons), then nothing will stop you.
So I want to leave you with this.
How about you take the word “should” away from your vocabulary.
And remind yourself how you’re you. And be authentic.
That you shouldn’t do or be anything else.
But you’re choosing to do things because you want to.
And finally, there’s nothing you can do externally to feel happier or to be satisfied.
Because your happiness and being content with yourself come from within.
What you choose to do is because of your wants, dreams and enjoyment in life.
Over to you,
What are your thoughts?
Do you tell yourself you should be or do something?
Remember, it’s ok if you do because you’re not alone.
But, are you ready to open up to the possibility there’s nothing you should be or do?
And accept that being you and your happiness comes from within?